Today: Recognition of a Group Award

Rather than awarding a Happy Hopping Moron title today, we'll instead recognize another award granted by the electorate:

from http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=521510184525981&set=a.473139882696345.118142.465176890159311&type=1

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Charlie Fuqua

Arkansas Republican candidate Charlie Fuqua wrote a book including such gems as promoting the death penalty for rebellious children. We're not sure that's quite civilized enough to really be up to the level of moron, but we've consulted the rules and there's no official minimum bar for morons in the contest. As such, Charlie Fuqua is today's Happy Hopping Moron.

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Paul Broun

The hard part in deciding to give today's award to Representative Paul Broun (R-GA) was that he had so much competition from the other Republicans on the House science committee.

Here's the statement that clinched today's recipient. Says Broun,

"All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the Big Bang Theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell. And it’s lies to try to keep me and all the folks who were taught that from understanding that they need a savior. You see, there are a lot of scientific data that I’ve found out as a scientist that actually show that this is really a young Earth. I don’t believe that the Earth’s but about 9,000 years old. I believe it was created in six days as we know them. That’s what the Bible says."

Metaphor! Rep Broun could use some familiarity with that concept. The Bible is a great book, but there's no commandment stating Thou Shalt Be A Complete Idiot. But it's not really for what some of us would call misinterpreting the Bible that he gets the award. Oh no, there would be too many potential recipients if we based awards on that.

No, it's for having the gall to accept a position on a science committee when one is essentially, fundamentally anti-science. And for that reason, Paul Brown (R-GA) is today's Happy Hopping Moron.

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Bob Marshall

Republican Virginia State Delegate and sometimes Senate candidate Bob Marshall tossed his hat in the ring for the award at a press conference against state funding for Planned Parenthood, an organization that helps many people in many ways including providing cancer screening. It's not his first entry, but what clinched the title was his statement that,

The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children,” said Marshall, a Republican.
“In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.”

We'll set aside the idiocy of pretending that abortion is all of what Planned Parenthood is about when it's really just a tiny fraction of the work they do. There's a more glaring idiocy in Bob's statement. All of those parents whose children have any sort of handicap -- whether it be ADHD, dyslexia, or whatever -- might want to have a word with Bob. To suggest that any child (handicap or no) is a punishment goes well beyond insensitive or tone deaf and into the realm of abysmally stupid, especially for a politician who might like to get votes from the large number of parents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives of children with some kind of handicap or another. And that makes Bob Marshall today's Happy Hopping Moron.

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Pamela Geller

Where to start with this one? Pamela Geller is primarily known as a blogger who named her blog after one of Ayn Rand's foolish fictions that celebrate the denial of the fact that cooperative effort has value for the individual. This should be obvious, but yet Rand's Objectivists fail to grasp that rational self-interest can often be best served by collective actions.

Which reminds me of a great parody video: "How Ayn Rand and L. Ron Hubbard Came Up With Their Big Ideas". But back to Geller ...

Not content with basing her platform on the failosophical delusions of a hypocritical, half-baked fiction author, Geller has more than one-upped Rand on the road to ridiculous. She's co-founded a hate group. She's fully promoted the Birther idiocy on her blog, even adding novel new ravings to that field of crap. And now she's denying history, trying to claim that the advances from Islam's golden age are "revisionism" ... when in fact they're just history from a group's golden age.

So for all of the above -- and a few more things that we just couldn't bring ourselves to type because they're that moronic -- Pamela Geller is today's Happy Hopping Moron.

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Joe Walsh

It's one thing to slander your average person for alleged superficiality that they don't exhibit. It's another thing entirely to inaccurately deride a combat veteran that way, when simply being a combat veteran should mean we at least give them the benefit of the doubt for having a serious bone or two in their bodies (assuming their bones weren't all blown out by a grenade).

But that didn't stop Republican Representative Joe Walsh from saying of his combat veteran opponent -- who has already debated him twice and has three more debates scheduled with him -- that, "It has become abundantly clear that at this point the only debate Ms. Duckworth is actually interested in having is which outfit she’ll be wearing for her big speech."

So for making such an obviously stupid, degrading slander about one of America's finest, a combat veteran who has demonstrated a clear capacity for serious issues, Joe Walsh is today's Happy Hopping Moron.

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Reince Priebus

Today's HHM award isn't quite as flaming obvious as some of our previous recipients. The core stupid is not so much in this HHM's statement directly as in the implications. In a recent interview, RNC chairman Reince Priebus said, “I think Obama’s policies have created a sense that, for whatever reason, he’s looking for guidance, as far as health care is concerned, as far as our spending is concerned, as far as these stimulus packages are concerned — he’s looking to Europe for guidance,” Priebus explained.

Since when is Mitt Romney Europe?

See, the ACA -- what they like to call "Obamacare" -- is based largely on what Massachusetts implemented under Romney, i.e. "Romneycare". The ACA derives from vintage 2006 Romney state governance repackaged to a national level. President Obama's health care policies looked directly to Romney's work in Massachusetts for guidance.

So is Mitt Romney Europe now? Or did Romney draw guidance from Europe to create Romneycare? Because if Obamacare draws guidance from Europe it must be indirectly by way of Romney.

It seems like a reasonable assumption Priebus, as the Republican chair, was trying to slam Obama. Yet his statement -- drawn to its logical conclusion -- must argue that his own party's candidate is the original culprit in this great Republican sin of "looking to Europe for guidance". We're not convinced that looking to Europe for guidance was going on here let alone that it would necessarily be a bad thing. But it's quite clear the Priebus just opened his mouth and inserted his foot to slam his own candidate with that so-called sin. Either he's mindbogglingly stupid to not understand that his own candidate would be the actual source of the "guidance". Or he's counting on his base to be so stupid that they'll not understand that if there's any Europe in the ACA it comes by way of Mitt Romney.

That either makes Reince Priebus a fool or a prince of fools counting upon their foolishness. Either way, Reince Priebus is today's Happy Hopping Moron.

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Jesse Lee Peterson

The HHM is an equal opportunity award, not limited to white guys (i.e., all of our previous recipients). Today's HHM is the first minority recipient of the HHM title.

Jesse Lee Peterson said, "I think that one of the greatest mistakes America made was to allow women the opportunity to vote."

Need I say more? No, that's rather quite enough. But Peterson did say more; so while the above is enough on its own he'd earned the title even before saying that. And that's why today's Happy Hopping Moron is Jesse Lee Peterson.

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Ted Cruz

Would you believe a United Nations conspiracy to eliminate the game of golf? How about one to eliminate paved roads? Of course not. That's ludicrous.

Would you believe that the Tea Party Republican candidate for Senate from Texas is leading in the polls despite having claimed not only that there was such a conspiracy but also that it was something to take seriously?

Unfortunately, you'd be correct to believe that last bit about such a Republican leading in the polls. It may be ludicrous to believe the conspiracy at all and even more ludicrous to believe that it could be a serious concern, but yet Republicans are being elected despite promoting such obviously insane notions. Tea Party Republican Ted Cruz claims that George Soros and the United Nations are actively working to rob us of our golf courses. And not just our golf courses, but also grazing pastures and paved roads. Seriously. He really says that. On his own blog. Cruz rants about the alleged, "attempts to abolish “unsustainable” environments, including golf courses, grazing pastures, and paved roads."

As Ian Millhiser put it,

"In reality, Agenda 21 is a twenty year-old non-binding resolution which speaks largely at a very high level of generality about reducing poverty and building sustainable living environments. The United States is one of 178 nations that signed onto this non-binding agenda — and we did so during the Bush Administration. So if Agenda 21 actually were a nefarious Soros plot to destroy paved roads and take away our sacred right to golf courses, it has worked very badly. Two decades after Agenda 21 was produced, Ted Cruz himself is still allowed to sell golf shirts on his website with minimal intrusion from UN peacekeepers."

Cruz is clearly a bit beyond moron and into nut-case territory. However, we don't find that to be a disqualification and so Ted Cruz is today's Happy Hopping Moron.

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Stacey Campfield

One could reasonably enough have granted Tennessee Republican Stacey Campfield the title for being the HHM behind Tennessee's "Don't Say Gay" bill. Not content to rest on his laurels with such legislative stupidity, Campfield says, "My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex."

Campfield should work on understanding that in order to legitimately use the word "understanding" one ought to have at least some vague understanding of the subject in question. In truth, those who have an any idea what they're talking about are more likely to say something like, "HIV is unquestionably transmitted through heterosexual intercourse. Indeed, heterosexual intercourse is now responsible for 70-80% of all HIV transmissions worldwide (2)." But Campfield wouldn't want to bother with pesky things like learning the facts before speaking out his backside. His spreading of misinformation tacked on top of his record of idiotic legislation makes Stacey Campfield today's Happy Hopping Moron.

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Niall Ferguson

He's got a long track records of spouting nonsense to his credit. He's just come from putting out a Newsweek cover story that's deservedly drawing derision for multiple obvious errors. But what clinched the spot of Today's Happy Hopping Moron for Niall Ferguson was an error that could have been forgiven if it had been committed by someone who has never claimed to have any expertise related to government or the economy. From a complete and utter layman it could have been excused. But a commentator and professor who would claim economic history among his specialties, mistaking the employment bump from the Census for an impact of the Stimulus (as he did on Bloomberg TV) tops the cake. Even despite his specialty, maybe -- just maybe -- we could have overlooked a really, really mindbogglingly stupid mistake like that if he hadn't been churning out so many errors in such public forums of late. But given that track record, congratulations to Niall for fully earning the title of Today's Happy Hopping Moron.

The identity of the Happy Hopping Moron on the right has been obscured because even he was embarrassed to be depicted next to Niall Ferguson

Today's Happy Hopping Moron: Todd Akin

Missouri Tea Party Republican Todd Akin claims he can tell whether a rape was a "legitimate rape" based on some magical, mystical -- and unspecified -- means by which he figures a woman's body will reject the rapist's sperm if it was really a rape.

Akin says, "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

Akin should leave the comments on reproductive biology to those who actually have a grasp on the subject.

The identity of the Happy Hopping Moron on the right has been obscured because even he was embarrassed to be depicted next to Todd Akin

 I didn't realize it was Happy Hopping Moron Day.